“When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.”  Although not his exact quote, this version of Dale Carnegie’s words has certainly resonated with many people.  And for good reason.  It embodies the very idea of reframing – the idea of changing your perspective in order to see the gift opportunity within the obstacle.

What a useful skill, right?!  I mean…the one thing you can count on in life is that it usually doesn’t go the way you want or expect it to.  Injuries, illnesses, deaths, industry changes, COVID…life is full of unexpected happenings which force us to make a choice – we either stay frustrated, angry, disillusioned, depressed or we make lemonade.  

So how does one learn to reframe?  You start by asking lots of questions rather than looking for answers (those come later). 

As we go through the steps I’ll use an example from my own life.  Thirty years ago I was an eager triathlete training hard with the goal of doing my 1st Ironman.  Five years into my training I got an injury that halted everything – no swimming, no biking, no running.  Months & months & doctors & doctors later we still couldn’t figure it out or get it healed.  I had an identity crisis – I was “a triathlete” who couldn’t swim, bike or run.  My social group was all triathletes who trained & talked tri’s all the time.  Depression, anger, frustration set in.  This was my “obstacle”, my “lemon”.  

Do I Want to Feel Like I Do Right Now?
This is your first question.  If your answer is NO, you’re ready for the next question.  If your answer is YES…well, there’s not much to be done…you’re stuck in your Chimp Brain (see next section)! 

In order to change we have to want change…that’s why this question is the first one.  it’s not unusual for us to want to wallow in self-pity and/or sadness for a bit.  It’s totally normal.  Part of the healing process is to acknowledge the loss & the sadness that comes from that loss.  If you try to bypass that acknowledgement you risk having it crop up again at a later time.  So take your time with this question.  Make sure you can answer it accurately.

I took 2 years of wallowing before I could answer “No” to this question.  Basically I had to find a new identity outside of triathlon.  Who did I want to be?

What Am I Choosing NOT To See Right Now?
Once you’re ready to change how your feel, the next question is “What am I choosing NOT to see right now?”  The critical word in this question is “choosing”.  Yes, when presented with an obstacle you can choose what to see. 

Fear & anxiety bring an inward focus – the loss, the hurt, the embarrassment, the self-doubt.  These emotions encourage our brains to build stories made up of subjective justifications for why things have happened.  This is completely normal – this is your limbic system working…often called your Chimp Brain.  Your Chimp Brain is the source of emotions & urges & it is 5x stronger than the more rational parts of your brain.  Your Chimp Brain is there to keep you alive & ensure procreation.  

On the other side of the brain equation is introspection, alertness & wisdom.  These qualities encourage an outward focus & help us to objectively observe a situation.  This rational, non-emotional, objective focus is the frontal cortex at work – also called your Professor Brain.  When your Professor Brain is in charge you can clearly see a situation, you can strip off all the ornamentation & see things for what they truly are.    

Once you can see your situation clearly, without loads of emotion & baggage, you can start the reframing process.. Without all the subjective baggage clouding your vision, you can begin to look at the situation from different angles & perspectives.  This is where the answers flood in!  This is where your obstacle suddenly starts to look like an opportunity!  

In my situation, I was no longer putting in hours of training…so I had time.  Time to expand my horizons & find new joys, priorities, loves.  I became a Mom, I became a coach AND I started my own business, my “lemonade”!  In hindsight I thank my injury for opening the door to these completely fulfilling opportunities.  I thank the loss of “triathlete” for helping me gain “Mom”, “Coach” & business owner!  

For more info on this topic, check out The Obstacle Is the Way: The Timeless Art of Turning Trials into Triumph by Ryan Holiday. It’s a great read!