Through the work of researcher, Brene’ Brown, we have learned that three of the most important things for every human being are to be SEEN, HEARD AND VALUED. How do we help our family members to feel loved and appreciated? Family meetings are a great tool because they provide an opportunity for every member to voice concerns, celebrate accomplishments, and find solutions to problems.
Here is a short outline of what is important in a meeting. Feel free to use this foundation to tailor the meeting to fit YOUR family’s needs.
3 ELEMENTS OF A FAMILY MEETING:
- Get to know you better. Short questions, a game, a quick activity (sometimes called an icebreaker – there are many on Pinterest and church websites.)
2. Discussion or Listening Activity. Talk about the past week.
There are several versions of listening. In my opinion, the one that works best is called “active listening.” Each person speaks for a set amount of time, from 2 to 5 minutes without anyone interrupting them, offering advice or “helping” in any way. Give acknowledgement through your energy and presence, eye contact and head nods. When they are finished, they are finished. The only thing a family member can do is repeat back what they think they heard to clarify understanding. No advice is given unless someone is asking for it.
Other possible listening activities are:
- Hi/Lo/Buffalo – You share a highlight of your day, a low point of your day and something random)
- Rose/Thorn of Your Day – This one is great for little ones!
As these meetings evolve, you can introduce problem-solving techniques and space to share compliments and praises.
3. Connecting Activity. Conclude with a connecting activity like playing a game, going for ice cream or another beloved outing. If you are running short on time, just be sure to close with something positive like a family hug, a secret family handshake, or a family motto!
HELPFUL TIPS:
- Talking stick – Whomever is holding the stick is the only one who can talk. It’s fun to co-create a stick together, or you can use a painted rock, stuffed animal or any other item of your choice.
- Establish rules of engagement. Examples include: no electronics, no advice giving, take turns talking.
- Keep meetings short. Keeping meetings short encourages participation. As you get more stamina, then you can make them longer. It’s suggested no longer than an hour (30 minutes for young kiddos).
- Incentives. When you’re first implementing your family meetings, it might be helpful to create fun ways to incentivize family members.
- Encourage participation. Let everyone know that they are not required to speak and allow them to pass if needed. Also let them know how much you would really like to hear what they have to say!
- Agenda. As you get more established, it’s helpful having an agenda. This teaches kids that when they have a problem, they can bring it up in front of a loving family and be heard. As things come up, people can write their concerns on an “upcoming” agenda. Don’t forget to write celebrations too!
BENEFITS:
- Enhanced COMMUNICATION!
- Encourages each member to talk about their feelings so they don’t get overwhelmed.
- Preventative Maintenance – Often you will come up with solutions before the “problem” arises!
- Positive communication.
- People feel loved and seen and appreciated!
If you’d like more information about family meetings or Marie Wallace, please email her at marie@mariesgold.com. Also feel free to visit her Marie’s Gold website or Facebook page.