Dear Mikaela –

You don’t know me…and I don’t know you. I know of you. But I don’t know you. I don’t know what or how you really feel, deep down inside, where no one else can see.

I can’t pretend to understand what you go through on a daily basis. I can’t pretend to understand the hours of training, the amount of time you spend molding your body to do just what you want it to do, the endless sacrifices you’ve made to be “the best” at what you do. I can’t pretend to understand the pressure that you put on yourself to perform at your highest level time & time again. I can’t pretend to understand the pressure that we (as spectators) put on you when we point how you “never make mistakes”, how you are such a “reliable” performer. I can’t pretend to understand the pressure that we as a country put on you when we speculate about how many Olympic gold medals you should win. I can’t pretend to understand the pressure that we put on you when we call your DNF race “a disappointment.” I can’t pretend to understand the pressure that we put on you when the cameras won’t look away as you sit slope side immersed in your own private hell.

What I can understand is how suddenly losing your father made the foundation of your world feel like it crumbled apart. I can understand the long-term repercussions that come from such a significant loss – your life, your world was fundamentally changed…and there is no going back. I can understand the feelings of despair, anger, frustration, hopelessness & loss that flood in when you experience the unintended outcome of those incalculable hours of work. I can understand the confusion & sense of betrayal that come when your body doesn’t do what you expected…doesn’t do what it’s always done…when you can’t control it like you always have.

The beautiful thing is, Mikaela, you are human. You are human just like the rest of us. We do a huge disservice to ourselves & to you when we put you up on a pedestal. When we elevate you into the G.O.A.T. status we turn you into something untouchable…something unbelievable…something perfect…something not human. Maybe you enjoyed this status? Maybe it helped you to push yourself into places you never dreamed possible? I can appreciate that. I can appreciate how amazing & exciting it must feel to hold that status for any length of time. Believe me…we’ve all wanted it at some point in our lives.

But…in the end you are human…just like us. Your body decided not to cooperate, decided to do something different than you had planned. I think that is what getting older teaches us. As we age we must face, either willingly or by force, the undeniable fact that our bodies are less & less under our control. Eventually we all must accept this hard reality – in the end our bodies fail us. It is essential to life.

And so, Mikaela, I send all my empathy your way. You’ve stated that you’ve “never gotten over any” falls…and I believe you. Frankly, I’m not sure that we ever “get over” traumatic events…nor, I would argue, should that be the goal. Traumatic events are what shape us, what make us who we are, what define us, what give us the identifying characteristics that others recognize as “you”. We are essentially a composition of how we have responded to the trauma we have experienced.

But, as hard as this has been, you will get past this. You will get past this because you are strong, you are motivated, you are an incredibly hard worker, you are both process AND goal oriented. And now you have a choice – to race in your remaining 3 events or not. Only you know the right decision. Look deep into your heart, block out all the outside noise, and feel…feel for the decision that rings true. Nothing else matters.

Yours in support,

Coach Michelle